Lust in the city

Dear so and so,

Today I didn’t feel as lonely as I did yesterday. I went to work and I was happy. For some reason I was thinking about my ex alot…well this guy I use to fuck. I had have really strong feelings for him. He has been on my mind A lot lately.

okay..let me start from the beginning.

It all started in the summer of 2012. I was 17 years old when I first laid on eyes Jerry. I had just started working at a furniture store, as a cashier. He was working in the warehouse.  I was taking out the garbage one day and there he was. He stood right there where the sun hit his eyes just right….(to this day I thought I saw sparkles in his eyes). Jerry was a tall muscular guy. He had broad shoulders and large biceps. He was very good looking and had a very fit body. Tall, dark and handsome. Ever since that day I saw him outside, I have been obsessing over him.

I would always be excited to go to work especially if he was working. One day I walked into work and found out he got fired 😦

Fast forward to January 2014…I found him on twitter. I got very excited and decided that I should tell him how I felt. I grew some balls and eventually told him that I have liked him since forever. He told me he was not ready for a relationship. I continued to talk to him anyways. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into.

Fast forward to March 2, 2014. I was laying on my back on Jerry’s bed, with my legs wide open about to lose my virginity. Now I know what most of you might be thinking…how could I have been so stupid? I gave him my virginity that night. After we had sex, he held me so close to his chest I could hear his heartbeat rapidly increasing. It was at that moment that I realized how much I really liked this guy.

Jerry and I stopped having sex August 2014, because I couldn’t handle it anymore. I caught really strong feelings and he still didn’t want a relationship. I felt like shit about myself. Why didn’t he want me? what was wrong with me? was I not pretty enough? smart enough? It broke me. I was so hurt. I removed him from my life.

Fast forward to September 2015…Here I am. sitting in my room thinking about this guy. Jerry and I started talking as friends around august 2015. He reached out to me to see if I was doing okay. I hung out with him last Sunday. I still care about this guy. He has been on my mind a lot lately.I would never put myself in that situation ever again. I would never want to be with him again, but when i’m with him I just feel so safe. It’s the way he holds me. That’s all it will ever be though. Nothing more.

xoxo,
They call me Lexy

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